


we shall new shadows make the other way

by aletterinthenameofsanity



Series: hold my hand (i can hear the ghost calling) [19]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Asexual Character, Asexual Peter Parker, Bisexual Male Character, Character Study, Coming of Age, F/M, Friendship, Gay Male Character, Grief/Mourning, Growing Up, Happy Ending, Past Character Death, Superfamily, biromantic character, we stan Peter and his adopted Uncles and his Aunt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-04
Updated: 2019-03-04
Packaged: 2019-10-23 10:41:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17681909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aletterinthenameofsanity/pseuds/aletterinthenameofsanity
Summary: In 2008, when Peter was ten-years-old and just discovering his love for all things sciency, Tony Stark announced himself as Iron Man. Tony Stark was everything Peter could want in a role model- he was a tech genius who had made himself a superhero, was well known for donating to charity, and had turned his whole business empire around from weapons toward peace and the environment.And Tony Stark- something Peter would only learn to appreciate when he came out- was unabashedly bisexual. Every tabloid screamed his every supposed relationship he was in from their headlines, and his affairs were just as often with men as with women. Having that to look up to has made it a lot easier for Peter to love himself, to be comfortable when he hit puberty and realized that he was asexual.Thanks to the kind of role models he has, Peter learns to be okay with his sexuality. He is who he is, and what he is happens to be a pretty decent guy.





	we shall new shadows make the other way

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from John Donne.

The superhero Peter looked up to as a kid- Captain America- was the embodiment of masculinity and heterosexuality. Peter sometimes thinks that maybe if Captain America had stayed his role model- like he is for many other kids Peter's age- he might have had a few more issues with his sexuality.

In 2008, though, when Peter was ten-years-old and just discovering his love for all things sciency, Tony Stark announced himself as Iron Man. Tony Stark was everything Peter could want in a role model- he was a tech genius who had made himself a superhero, was well known for donating to charity, and had turned his whole business empire around from weapons toward peace and the environment.

And Tony Stark- something Peter would only learn to appreciate when he came out- was unabashedly bisexual. Every tabloid screamed his every supposed relationship he was in from their headlines, and his affairs were just as often with men as with women. Having that to look up to has made it a lot easier for Peter to love himself, to be comfortable when he hit puberty and realized that he was asexual.

(Yeah, asexuality was a fun discovery. The internet's a pretty informative place to grow up around, and it only takes a few google searches to figure out what's going on when Peter never gets boners and doesn't understand what's attractive about boobs or dicks.)

Thanks to the kind of role models he has, Peter learns to be okay with his sexuality. He’s never been the most masculine of guys, but he's always content with his status as a nerd. With Ned and Aunt May by his side- and a favorite superhero who’s pretty damn confident in his sexuality- he’s never really felt the need to prove himself as a “Real” man. He is who he is, and what he is happens to be a pretty decent guy.

-

Then, as a junior, Peter gets bitten by a spider, tries to develop his own suit, and meets Tony fucking Stark himself, who says he wants to train him so that he can be safer as a superhero. Tony doesn’t discourage him from trying to save New York, but he does keep Peter from joining the Avengers. (Peter's not too mad, though- New York City is crazy enough, especially if he wants to get his homework done on time.) 

-

But as if getting mentored by Tony Stark wasn’t awesome enough, Peter gets to meet Lt. Sam Wilson- aka Falcon, the actual fuck- and gets pulled under his wing as well. Sam is the calm to Tony’s ADHD-style teaching, the reassuring strength to Tony’s exuberance.

Watching the two of them together is fascinating. They balance each other out kind of perfectly, what with the way Sam can tell when Tony is pushing himself too far and can pull him out an ‘inventing binge.’ He reminds Tony to eat, usually using the opportunity to use Tony as a rather willing guinea pig for whatever recipe he’s trying out that week. He also likes to drop surprise kisses on any part of Tony’s face he happens to be closest too when he comes into the lab to work on his wings or to drag Tony out.

In return, Tony is always dropping in on sparring matches with Sam and Peter, bringing snarky comments and praise for everyone. He cuddles with Sam during Friday movie nights (another _awesome_ thing that Peter gets to be a part of. Peter gets to meet Pepper Potts, CEO of Stark Industries, and Agent Sharon Carter, James Rhodes and Sergeant James Barnes, Natasha Romanoff and the Bartons, Thor and Bruce Banner, Wanda and Pietro Maximoff- all of these superheroes that, through movies and late night snacks, become more human than god in Peter's eyes. They help him realize that superheroes don't have to be perfect- they are all a bit broken, but they have found ways to be happy).

When Sam’s in the lab tinkering with Redwing or his own leg, Tony is there in the background. He doesn’t take over Sam’s work, content to work on his own or just mentor Peter, but Peter watches as sometimes Sam volleys a quick question over his shoulder to Tony and Tony sends an answer back, allowing Sam to keep working on whatever he’s doing. There’s no questions as to Sam’s intelligence, no disparagements as to his ability to fight and invent and work, but there is a certain respect between them that allows for them each to appreciate and utilize each others' talents without insult.

-  


Becoming Spiderman is not exactly something Peter ever predicted, but now that it’s happened he can’t imagine life without Friday nights at the Avengers tower and weeknights saving the city and all of these people teaming up to mentor him.

-

“Are you an Avenger?” Ned asks when he realizes that Peter is Spiderman, and Peter shakes his head.

“Nah, not yet. Just a defender of New York,” Peter says, thinking of the fact that he’s never fought alongside Sam and Tony, never left New York to save other cities. He's just stayed here, at home. And to be honest, though he protested at first he gets it now. It’s hard enough to protect New York while still maintaining his grades and schoolwork- protecting the world would take more than he currently has to give. “But hey, I might not be an Avenger, but I _can_ introduce you to Tony Stark, though.”

Ned’s jaw drops and Peter grins. “No shit man, really?”

Peter nods. “Really.”

“When, man? I’m ready to skip school _tomorrow-”_ Ned starts to ramble, excitement clear, and Peter grins.

“Mr. Stark doesn’t really like it when I skip school, but I can probably get you in for Friday movie night.”

“Friday movie night?” Ned gapes. “Is that why you’ve been skipping out on D&D sessions?"

“Yeah,” Peter admits, expression apologetic.

Ned doesn’t seem to mind, though- he immediately grins. “Totally cool, man, that’s a plenty good excuse."

Peter grins. He knew that he was friends with Ned for a reason.

-

Having two very proudly queer pseudo-father figures really helps with the whole being out-and-proud thing, Peter’s not gonna deny. Sure, he's always been out, but it's always been harder to be proud when half the world thinks his sexuality doesn't exist and the other half won't let him belong anywhere.

But after he becomes Spiderman, Peter meets plenty of queer superheroes and role models, from Pepper Potts and her girlfriend to the Barton-Romanoff triad to even James Rhodes and Bucky Barnes, who are completely comfortable with their sexualities.

Even Thor himself visits one day, overhears a conversation between Peter and Sam about queer kids in public schools, and booms, "The Son of spider appreciates the male form as well? How beautiful!" Peter is then treated to a long tale about the time Thor courted a Viking named Erik back a thousand years ago.

He honestly can't believe that so many superheroes are so openly out and happy with themselves- it really makes him proud to be another member of the community joining the ranks of superheroes. If someday when he's an adult and can be out as Spiderman, he can do for other kids what these current superheroes are doing for him, then he'll be satisfied with his life.

-

Asexual Awareness Week hits and Peter spends the entire week wearing purple, black, and white shirts, whether they be t-shirts, button-downs, or polos. Ned wears the ace pin Peter gave him alongside his usual bi pride pin, and even MJ wears a purple, black, and white scarf despite pretending that she doesn’t care.

Friday hits and Peter shows up at Stark Tower, where he finds, to his shock, Tony and Sam in similar colors. Sam’s wearing a purple t-shirt under his usual leather jacket and Tony is wearing a purple button-down.

“Happy Awareness Week, kid,” Sam says and Peter launches himself into a hug with both of them.

-

MJ calls Peter “pretty” on a field trip and he can feel his cheeks going hot. He’s as confident in his biromanticism as he is in his asexuality, and she's such a wonderful person, smart and caring (despite pretending she doesn't) and a bit off-beat.

But fuck, he doesn't know how to ask out anyone, girl or guy. He has no experience in any realm, especially not with someone as sure with themselves as MJ is.  
  
-

Then the Anniversary hits, and when Peter wakes up he knows it’s not going to be a good day.

He gets to school and Ned meets him at his locker. Ned takes one look at him and Peter knows that his best friend knows. “Do you want me to call your Aunt or Mr. Stark?” Ned asks, and Peter shakes his head.

“No need to worry them,” Peter says, hoping Ned will ignore the shadows under his eyes.

“But today’s…” Ned trails off, not wanting to make things awkward, and Peter is thankful that he's swallowing his words. "Okay, man. Just... you _sure_?” Ned asks one last time.

“I’m going to Avengers Tower tonight anyway, and Aunt May, well, she works late 'cause it's a Friday."

Then Ned shrugs and starts in on a discussion involving their current D&D sessions (now moved to Saturday nights, with a small excuse to their other couple of friends), and Peter feels so grateful to his best friend.

 

-

He arrives at the Avengers Tower that night. Tony takes one look at him and says, “We’re not training tonight. Kid, you look like shit.”

“Way to compliment a guy, Tony,” Sam says from his position cooking dinner- and it smells like mac n’ cheese, such a weirdly normal food for a man who loves to experiment with as many foreign recipes as he can get his hands on- at the stove, but then he turns and looks at Peter and his expression softens. He lets out a low whistle. “Kid, he’s got a point. Are you alright?”

When he’s looking at Sam and Tony’s concerned faces, Peter can feel his resolve start to crumble. “Three years ago today my Uncle Ben died,” he says, “Freak car accident.”

Tony’s face shifts just a little bit, and when he speaks it’s from a place of deep empathy. “You need a distraction, don't you?"

Peter stares at him. For a moment- well, for more like a day, he’d forgotten that Tony’s parents had also died in a car accident. Sometimes, it’s so easy to forget that Tony is just an ordinary human, that he’s gone through loss and grief just like Peter has. He seems like such an unassailable figure, the billionaire Mr. Stark who created Iron Man, with the perfect marriage and wonderful life, but he’s gone through shit just like the rest of humanity.

“Tell us what you want to do tonight,” Sam says, “Movie? Food? Sparring? Lab time? Going home to your Aunt? Inviting her here? What will make you feel better?”

Peter looks to Sam, to his honest face, and he steps forward and wraps his arms around Sam’s torso. His body shudders as tears start to leak out of his eyes, and he’s no longer keeping it together. (But he doesn't think he has to.)

And then Sam wraps his arms around Peter’s shoulders, patting his head. A moment later, he finds Tony's hand on his shoulder, comforting in its own way. "It's gonna be okay, kid," Tony says.

Peter thinks that the most important part of being a hero is not saving the world from evil, not flying and fighting and having superpowers, but moments like this, when a person does something quiet and kind for another person. This is what makes the Avengers the Avengers- not the bravery to take on supervillains and fight monster, but the small bravery it takes to be vulnerable and kind.

And damn, Peter hopes he can be even half the hero that Tony and Sam are. He hopes that he can be more than just the suit, that he can be a hero even when he’s not Spiderman. Because that’s what Uncle Ben deserves.

-

He gets home that night and finds Aunt May sitting on the couch, and he frowns. Most Fridays when he gets home from Avengers Tower she’s normally asleep, but right now she has on one of those rom-coms she really likes.

She looks up at him, and she’s not crying, but there’s something so old about her face, something that makes him really see the number of years draining her. Peter drops his backpack off against the sofa, toes his shoes off, and then sits down on the sofa next to her. He curls into her side and she puts an arm around his shoulders, pulling him in closer.

“You’re growing up so fast,” she says, and he buries himself closer into her.

Yes, Peter's growing up fast. He's a superhero with spider powers who fights crime on a regular basis, but right now, he's just a kid with dead parents and a dead uncle who just wants to be hugged by his Aunt.  
  
And for tonight, he's happy to just stay that way. Tomorrow he'll be strong again, be brave and face the day, but for now he can be vulnerable. 

-

And speaking of bravery:

“MJ,” Peter says at lunch on Monday, and she raises one cool eyebrow at him.

“What's up, loser?" MJ asks.

“Do you, um, do you want to maybe, uh, hang out after school? Today? With me?” And Peter kind of has to wonder if Tony or Sam are as bad at this whole flirting thing as he is. Probably not.

MJ gives him a small, crooked smile. "Sure thing, Parker."

"Okay. Ah, great. Cool." He's pretty sure that his cheeks are on fire, but he doesn't quite care. He's got a quasi-sort of date with MJ, who he knows is cool with his asexuality due to her actions during Awareness week.

Things are going pretty good, Peter's gotta admit.


End file.
